wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
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