can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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