i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
