I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
