I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
