I'm going to jail i love you
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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