That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
