I can tuck mytits in my pants
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't deserve a penis
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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