Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
