I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
