i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
