did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
