I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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