someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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