i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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