We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
