About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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