is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
try to milk me bitch
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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