And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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