The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
