She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
