quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize