i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
