Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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