fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
