I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize