I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
