Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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