Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
