I got chris browned last night
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
