The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
