So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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