i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
