if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
