Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
