I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
