Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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