she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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