he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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