My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Randomize
