how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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