I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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