Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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