So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
