I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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