This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
