Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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