Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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