20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
