wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
