Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
false alarm, still single
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
