I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
