I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
