they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
