What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
