In the future we'll all be gay
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
