____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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