so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
