look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
