My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
