we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
