I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize