I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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