we have pet lesbian snakes
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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