Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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