giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
