all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
