there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
