I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
